I am sure you all have figured out that I don't like Mondays. Mainly because I have to get up and go to work. That's no way to spend Mondays! Anyway, my Monday was fair to partly cloudy today and I don't mean the weather. I discovered something today about my relationship with a certain person in my life. I just sort of need to discuss it.
I got a phone call from this person today and ended up being physically sick after listening and trying to talk with said person. After I really thought about the conversation, or lack thereof, I realized that when I don't hear from the person, I think about him/her, but I don't worry very much. But when I do hear from him/her, my serenity is threatened and I get very nervous. I really don't want to see the person very often as I can't be around him/her for very long periods of time. The worse part is that I love this person so very dearly.
I guess I just never realized how much he/she affects my life negatively, or at least I didn't WANT to realize it. I had told him/her what I was doing after work today and then immediately regretted it. I found myself looking over my shoulder the entire time I was running my errands, thinking he/she would show up any minute and harass me. It's not that I think he/she would physically hurt me, but rather just upset me. It seems that this person can put me on a guilt trip faster than anyone else in my life. I don't like it at all because I have absolutely NO reason to feel guilty about anything! And then I feel very angry!
I have tried to tell him/her that I get upset, nervous and angry when talking with him/her, but he/she just doesn't understand why, or maybe just doesn't accept why. What do you do when you love someone so much and yet don't really like being around that someone? I don't really know, but I just needed to write about it today. Thanks for listening.
I just got up off of the floor and crawled back into my chair. Why was on the floor, you ask? Because Cindy Fern Newsom actually made a comment on my blog?! Well, blow me down! ;^)