FreeKibble.com
Monday, March 05, 2007
They say time heals.....I wonder
Hello everyone,

It's been two weeks today since my Mom passed away and there is such a hole in my life, I just don't know how it will ever be filled.

I don't want to cry all the time and post " I'm feeling down again" type posts, but this is worse thing I have ever had to live through. I always knew this day would come, but it's something you just never are quite prepared for. I still can't bear the thought of going through her things. My brothers have said for me to just leave it alone until I think I can handle it and I appreciate their understanding and patience.

For instance, I was going to wash the clothes in her hamper in her bathroom the other day and I pulled the clothes, which was just a few of her shirts, out of the hamper and I smelled her presence. Her clothes still carry her scent. All I could do was cry and put the clothes back in the hamper. I just can't wash away her sent yet.

I go in my Mom's bedroom and just sit in there sometimes and listen. It may sound strange, but I can here conversations we had in there. I used to go sit in there when she was alive and we would just sit and talk. Now I go in there and relisten to our talks.

As I said earlier, there is a big hole in my life, my home, my heart. I am so blessed to have had a Mom that I had such a good relationship with and that I felt so close to. I am also blessed to have all the friends that have shown me such love and support through this most difficult time of such great loss.

Thank you all for that love and support. I wouldn't be able to handle this without you all in my life.
 
posted by Cindy N. at 3:39 PM | Permalink |


7 comments:


  • At 10:01 PM, Blogger Daisy Martin

    Cindy we are here for you, so you post your real feelings and don't worry about it not being some happy gay post. Blogs aren't about posting some happy go lucky stuff to entertain people, blogs are for sharing your true feelings with the world. If you didn't talk (or write) about how sad you feel right now it would be unhealthy because you would be supressing it. The bible says there is a time to mourn and now is your time to mourn. Use your blog and your friends to help you through this by telling us how you feel and sharing memories of your mom. You are so blessed that you had a loving mother in your life. Celebrate her and your relationship with her.

    I can understand the way you talk about her scent being there on her clothes and such. I remember smelling my grandfathers clothes some time after he passed so I could smell his pipe tobacco and remember a time when I felt safe and secure.

    Have you felt your mom's presence yet? I felt my grandmother for a few weeks after she passed. I think she just wanted to be sire that I was okay. And I was.

     
  • At 9:02 AM, Blogger Renee

    We all kept shirts from my dad that still had his scent. Mine is still hanging in my closet and I guess, it always will be. His scent is all but gone now, but it makes me happy just to see his shirt there.

     
  • At 9:42 AM, Blogger mox

    I still have the ratty brown sweater my grandmother wore hanging in my closet. I wore it for a while too, to smell her. It was my grandfather's. She wore it to smell him.

    He's been gone 25 years. She's been gone 12. I don't smell either of them in the sweater anymore but I still keep it for the memories.

    Hang in there.

     
  • At 3:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous

    Do not stand at my grave and weep,
    I am not there, I do not sleep.

    I am a thousand winds that blow.
    I am the diamond glint on snow.
    I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
    I am the gentle autumn rain.

    When you wake in the morning hush,
    I am the swift, uplifting rush
    Of quiet birds in circling flight.
    I am the soft starlight at night.

    Do not stand at my grave and weep.
    I am not there, I do not sleep.
    (Do not stand at my grave and cry.
    I am not there, I did not die!

     
  • At 8:36 AM, Blogger Deirdre

    Thinking of you.

     
  • At 6:29 PM, Blogger Random Musings

    My thoughts and prayers are with you

     
  • At 6:56 PM, Blogger Kelli

    I still try and smell my mom if I find her things. Im so sorry Cindy. It gets better..I promise. Its just so hard when its your mom.